I'm T- 8 days and counting to my big escape from the corporate world of existence ala 8 to 5. Until then, the jobs are overlapping, so life is how I imagine stumbling drunk through a shoddy old funhouse would be -- but without the pleasure of drinking. I'm probably just not getting enough sleep.
And then someone really, really enthusiastic comes along, and I can feel them suck the very life that clings to my bones. Like the guy who signed me up for private health insurance earlier today.
Has anyone else been through this process? There was this mockingly cheerful, but oddly obsessive quality to everything the man said -- as if most callers get halfway through the "assessment" and decide they'd rather die from lack of medical attention than listen to another energetically augmented clause about Super Special New and Improved GOD FORBID YOU SHOULD EVER KICK THE BUCKET, BUT JUST IN CASE Life Insurance Addendum that could, for a tiny additional fee, be tacked on to your policy.
I hadn't felt that affronted by a salesman since I tried to buy a used car -- driving some (probably stolen) piece of shit down the highway while the steering wheel had epileptic fits, mentioning this to the barely-sober Customer Service Partner Care Coordinator in the passenger seat next to me, only to have him respond "What? You -- the STEERING WHEEL? No. Wheeze. I don't think so." Like that even fucking made sense.
But every time I get all bent outta shape, I just imagine myself working in pajamas, or riding Austin's kiddie train with Little-E at 3pm on a weekday, and I feel much better. Ohm.
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And then someone really, really enthusiastic comes along, and I can feel them suck the very life that clings to my bones. Like the guy who signed me up for private health insurance earlier today.
Has anyone else been through this process? There was this mockingly cheerful, but oddly obsessive quality to everything the man said -- as if most callers get halfway through the "assessment" and decide they'd rather die from lack of medical attention than listen to another energetically augmented clause about Super Special New and Improved GOD FORBID YOU SHOULD EVER KICK THE BUCKET, BUT JUST IN CASE Life Insurance Addendum that could, for a tiny additional fee, be tacked on to your policy.
I hadn't felt that affronted by a salesman since I tried to buy a used car -- driving some (probably stolen) piece of shit down the highway while the steering wheel had epileptic fits, mentioning this to the barely-sober Customer Service Partner Care Coordinator in the passenger seat next to me, only to have him respond "What? You -- the STEERING WHEEL? No. Wheeze. I don't think so." Like that even fucking made sense.
But every time I get all bent outta shape, I just imagine myself working in pajamas, or riding Austin's kiddie train with Little-E at 3pm on a weekday, and I feel much better. Ohm.
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posted by Jonathon Morgan at 3:59 PM
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