Dear Cat That Dumped on My Doorstep

I see you and your scraggly-ass friends hanging out, stalking the house, sneaking around the backyard and sending the neighbor's dogs into a frenzied, highly-vocal state of insanity. I get it -- someone who used to live here was nice to you, and now you miss the attention. Awww, wah wah wah -- cry me a fucking river, because you know what? They're gone, they're never coming back, and no matter how many times you shit on my walkway, I will never love you.

Accept it now, cat: you cannot defeat me. By the power of Grayskull; there can be only one; that's right Ice...man, I am dangerous; etc.